Lucent Remembrance
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: Through the passing of his existence, Light has finally learned just what it takes to actually live without the apathy he had once cherished so thoroughly. It's too bad that such a lesson came just a bit too late for the young man...
1. Forever in a Day

A.N: I don't know how to label this, so I'll just go ahead and save everyone the trouble and advise that you bring out your tissues if you're an emotional sap like I am.

Yes. That is my half-assed way of saying that I actually _cried _while writing this. ^.^; I might've gotten a bit too into the moment, but I take pride in the fact that this is the first time such an instance has occurred.

So, I hope you guys enjoy this one-shot and that none of you react the way I did while writing it. Seriously. It was kind of pitiful. Lol.

**This fic is dedicated to my cousin who went through some problems and has now passed along with his wife. I suppose they were the inspiration for all of this, along with the things he especially went through, but I am hesitant to say so even now. ... ... Yeah.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note (for the billionth-and-one time) and the lines in between the scene breaks are from the song Franklin by Paramore. Its an awesome song, and I encourage all people to listen to it!

Side-Note: If there are weird mistakes set within this, blame the uploader. I've been through it like five-billion times and this thing continually fucks up my outline and apostrophes and all the other goodies within my ficlet. Yeah. Most of my 'mistakes' within my fics are usually the uploader's fault, and everyone here that also uses the damn uploader knows what I'm talking about (yeah, wordslikethis are usually not done on purpose!).

P.S: I've decided to make this a two-shot after becoming inspired today. ^.^ Hopefully you'll be seeing the next installment soon, as it shall be in somebody _else's_ POV, if you get my drift...

* * *

Title: _**Lucent Remembrance**_

Chapter One: _Forever in a Day_

* * *

_And when we get home,_

_I know we won't be home at all._

**_

* * *

_**

_This, he knew, had to be the worst kind of Hell. _

Staring at his little sister as she herself vacantly stared at the plain wall in front of her, Light sat down on the floor and said nothing.

The suffocating silence stifling the room was loud; louder than it should've been.

_What could he say, after all? _

"You took everything away from me." Sayu whispered, her hands shaking. "_Light. Light. Light... Tou-san_. _You took it away_."

_Nothing; everything he couldn't (and wouldn't) ever be able to say would always amount to nothing._

Standing up once again, Light let a hand fall on his sister's slumped shoulder-

Only to watch it fall through in a translucent blur of dull color.

_And he deserved every second of it. _

* * *

__

_This place we live_

_It is not where we belong._

* * *

__

Somehow, he had pictured nothingness to be much more than this.

Sachiko brushed back stray curls of graying hair from her face, hands immediately going back to the matter at hand; cooking.

It was too much food for two people

But she didn't seem to take any notice of that fact.

_But it was a sufficient way of inflicting pain, nonetheless. _

Mahogany-brown eyes flitted as the woman held back a shuttering sigh, sight unfocused and hands shaking far too much to be handling the knife dangling between her fingers.

But still, she continued to slice.

_These people they suffered because of his own carelessness. _

Stepping back from the scene in front of him, Light felt his own hands begin to shake.

He could barely feel anything anymore, except for his own movements.

And strangely enough, that _hurt. _

Pain was the only thing he could remember anymore.

A hoarse sob brought the man out of his thoughts as he continued to step back, his body about to collide with the door behind him-

_Watching them fall into their own clutches of pain served as a reminder that his life had mattered. _

A shrill crash of pots and screams were the last thing Light heard as he fell outside, his feet floating just a bit off the ground and his arms akimbo to his body.

He didn't have much time now, staring up at the falling sun floating down into its horizon.

Night was coming...

_He didn't deserve that much power, really._

And the process would begin anew tomorrow.

* * *

_I won't get used to this-_

_I won't get used to being gone._

* * *

_He was another pawn in a game; fitting, seeing as that was all he saw people as when he had still mattered._

Everyday would begin the same.

Staring straight up at the familiar ceiling, Light once again wondered how he ended up within his old room before discarding the question as completely insignificant.

There was no use in figuring out _why _anymore when everything just _was_.

_No one ever noticed him anymore; and that had stopped bothering him ages ago. _

Light stroked the top of his wrinkle-less bed and wondered what it felt like now.

Not that it mattered.

He just _wondered_.

_One of the things he had forgotten was what things tasted and smelled like, but those things were only passing thoughts to someone who had learned to stop caring so long ago. _

Stepping off of the mattress that he couldn't even feel, Light sighed as he paced about his room and stared at the immoveable items; things locked in both time and space.

No one entered here anymore.

No one except for him.

And he never even remembered coming in here to begin with each and every day.

So what did it matter anyways?

_Little things began to slip from his mind, and soon, he wondered when he would be able to remember anything at all. _

Finally bored of the simple perusing, Light stepped out of the room and phased through the door without even a wince, not surprised at the lack of sound within the house. Walking over to Sayu's door, the translucent man walked right in.

He already knew what sight would greet him as soon as he walked in.

* * *

_It's taking up our time,_

_We can't go back; we can't go back at all._

* * *

_Her body was changing, but those eyes stayed as blank as ever._

A prone body laid spread-eagle out on the childishly-pink bed, eyes wide open and hair in a caustic disarray.

Everything about the girl was cold and impersonal now.

She hardly spoke, if only to speak to him.

She was his anchor.

She reminded him that he was still _here_.

_He had broken her, not Mello. _

"Light..."

Each time she spoke his name, he felt-

"Light..."

Alive.

_Even if she only spoke his name in order to condemn and hate him, it was his salvation nonetheless. _

"You took it away from me, Light."

And he had.

He didn't deny it anymore.

"Everything is..."

He had spoiled her and everyone who had ever come in contact with him.

It was a statement of fact.

There was no use in feeling remorse for it.

"_Gone_."

_The sister he had always pushed aside had become the sister he could not live without, even in death. _

She knew a truth about him as did his mother that not many other people knew.

It was something she said sometimes when the silence was just just a bit too loud and the air too stifling; words which continued to confuse Light.

What truth?

All he had ever shown her had been a lie.

* * *

_Going back to get away_

_After everything has changed._

_

* * *

_

There was a blankness in his existence, and he couldn't even find it in himself to hate it anymore.

His mother, on the other hand, never stopped moving.

Whether it be re-cleaning the same areas or cooking more food than she ever needed or running out to work, she was in constant motion.

A smile seemed to be forever etched on her face as a result.

For some reason, Light found that to be more disturbing to look at than Sayu's blank stare.

_It all made him feel so terribly empty, but what didn't make him feel empty anymore? _

Watching her dust the coffee table _again_, Light almost wished he could pluck the instrument from his mothers hands and sit her down so that she could rest.

But he couldn't.

And she wouldn't.

_It was better to become accustomed to apathy once again; if only he could keep such a state of mind as he used to._

Placing himself in the same corner as always, Light sighed as he turned his head and gazed at the beautiful blue sky through the lacy window curtain on his right side.

Time had a way of passing by in a blur for someone who no longer saw such a thing as important, and Light was no exception.

Letting the silence of the house take a hold of him, Light closed his eyes and let the hours tick by...

* * *

_And I miss who we were_

_In the town we could call our own._

**_

* * *

_**

_After awhile, the minutes tend to become tedious and the company droll when one doesn't technically exist. _

His mother was listless and his sister stayed holed up in his room.

That was the procedure, and nothing seemed to spark them with the life necessary to move on from their quiet countenances and fake smiles.

If Raito had the capability, he was pretty sure he would be sick right now.

Maybe.

_When no one ever even looks at you, you tend to forget you were ever something more than space against the wall. _

Yet the sun was beginning to set now after a whole day of watching Sachiko clean and not being able to go upstairs and stare at his sister throwing her life away in the face of trauma, and Light felt his spirits lift just the tiniest of bits.

If he remembered what happiness felt like, he was pretty sure this could have been an echo from it.

But even he doubted that sometimes.

_Everything he never felt was something he now wished he could have felt, if only to have something to truly remember them by._

Unfurling his legs from underneath him in one smooth motion, Light trudge out of the house once again.

It was the only time he was allowed out, after all.

He had tried to leave before the time of the setting sun, and he would be met with invisible barriers and faint strains of frustration for his efforts.

Before, he could not understand and had wanted to _know _just why he was caged into this reality and couldn't move onto something _new_.

_Before, he had been so much more human; how could he have ever taken that for granted living?_

Now, he just didn't care.

* * *

_And going back won't feel the same_

_If we aren't staying._

**_

* * *

_**

_Trying to ground himself into the reality he had come to know never seemed to work; how can you continue to be a part of something that no longer wants you?_

Wishing for a bare moment that he could feel the airy breeze apparently fluttering about outside, Light continued his trek forward and met the sidewalk with heady steps. The edges of his eyes began to dim on the sides as the world around him blackened and he was enveloped into another world.

_Or so he guessed..._

The darkness began to fade as the brunettes steps began to echo around him, the scenery painted around him one of familiar foliage absconded in milky darkness.

This place never changed.

Like him, it always stayed the same.

Light hated it.

_Pools of water that mocked him; trails of grass and dirt he would never feel underneath his feet and body_-

But he was waiting.

The first time he had showed up here, Light hadn't known what to say, to in awed with the beauty of the surroundings and with the appearance of

_Him_.

He had thought it to be heaven.

_Now he knew better. _

Taking in a breath, Light steeled himself as footsteps resounded within his ears and made it to his destination after a couple moments of time. Letting himself fall to the ground in a heap, the caramel-eyed man knew that the worse was only to come.

And oh how he was right.

_"Hello?"_

Sitting up with the leverage of his forearms, Light smiled as a familiar figure draped in white and blue blinked over at him and cocked his head to the side.

_"Hello L_."

* * *

_So we stand here now_

_And no one knows us at all._

_

* * *

_

_And those eyes, so lonely and confused; all he wanted to do was shake him so that he would _remember _along with him. _

_"Is that...?"_

Feeling the familiar hurt he had become accustomed to feeling after having this conversation over and over again, Light let the shattered remains of his soul splice into his decomposing chest just a little more.

_"Yes. It's your name."_ Light easily answered, watching as the other accepted the answer with no hesitance.

He didn't know, after all.

He represented everything Light would become after he had no one left as well.

_"Do I know you?"_

Light closed his eyes as he smiled, once again wishing for something more than just death.

_This was his future; finally having what he had wanted after all these years and yet not being able to ever reach it._

_"Yes. But don't strain yourself to remember. Why don't you just come over and lay with me for awhile? My name is Light."_

_"Alright, Light_." The dark-haired man, just as transparent as his light-haired counterpart, easily consented, feeling as if he could trust the man beside him. "_I feel as if I know you. Nobody else can see me and I cant remember why anymore. But you can see me and talk to me, so you must be a friend right?"_

_Every day, this routine stayed the same and he swallowed the pain that came along with it rather willingly._

Staring over at those dark eyes which were always an eternity away from him, Raito laid his hand over the others own, watching as the two transparent blurs of digits faded over each other, not feeling a thing.

_It reminded him, after all._

_"Yes."_ Light whispered, his eyes shining brighter than they had in so long. "_It's alright. You're with me now, and I'll take care of you tonight until you fall asleep."_

_He couldn't remember much but pain and emptiness..._

Wishing the ache in his chest away, Light felt the trail of something wet crawl down his face and he bit his lip as he reveled in the pain.

_But with L, he could _almost _remember what it was like to feel everything else in between._

_"Thank you."_

L stared forward, unseeing of the other man's pain yet again.

_And this was his true punishment, really. _

Light simply smiled, hiding his fading bitterness within his decaying heart.

_This was when he truly wished he could just forget. _

_

* * *

_

_Because you remind me of a time when we were so alive-_

_Do you remember that?_

_Do you remember that?_

* * *


	2. Falling Over and Over Again

A.N: This wasn't supposed to exist. Lol. This story defies all logic, damn it! -.-; Oh well. It's done, anyway.

I got this idea for a continuation, and quite frankly, I liked it too much to not write it. You get a sense of… well, the other side of the fence, you can say. Whereas Light has to deal with the ramifications of his actions, this person has to deal with the ramifications of his lack of such action. As you read, you'll get it. Lol.

I feel like if I really wanted to, I could add one more damn chapter. Damn it. But then, I don't know. If you guys want another chappie, let me know. For now, I suppose this is the end. T.T

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note; there, I said it! Also, the lyrics in between the scene breaks are from a song by Paramore called "When it Rains". I like to keep with themes. XD

* * *

Title: _**Lucent Remembrance**_

Chapter Two: _Falling Over and Over Again_

_**

* * *

**_

_And when it rains..._

* * *

_When you are sitting on the edge of insanity, everything you've ever taken for granted seems just a bit more… _

"_I like you_… _I mean, I don't know why, but I really like you._" He whispered, dark eyes widening as the man beside him smiled, a familiar emotion lurking within his starry-eyed gaze. "_Do you like me?_"

The man laughed as he ruffled his hair and closed his eyes in what seemed to be exhaustion, his head lying just a bit above the dirt-encrusted ground.

_Illuminated._

"_I wouldn't be here if I didn't… that I can promise you._"

_That's what he thought from time to time, when he still had the ability to remember such things. _

For some strange reason, the semi-cold response muttered from the light-haired man's lips had made him feel almost… elated.

Closing his own eyes, the dark haired man felt his own lips twitch up into a smile that he could not actually see or feel. Without realizing it, his body began to disintegrate as it lowered down onto the ground and for one split second, became corporeal within the fluttering pieces of grass and icy winds now billowing around his shivering thin frame.

_This two-way battle he was still caught in between was wearing him down; and worse yet, he knew he could not give in to either side without destroying himself first. _

Eyes fluttering open for a moment, the tangible figure caught sight of the disappearing image of the brunette with a dazzling smile-

_For one solitary second, he remembered, and that second had to be the worst, as he knew after that moment flew away-_

'_No, you can't leave me yet, not when I finally have you; not when I finally _remember_ you, Li-'_

The small moment of remembrance disintegrated instantly as his body shone with a dull sheen of light before scattering away in a million particles.

_He would once again be trapped within the same void as the day before; caught between what was best for his existence and what was certain for his survival. _

The memory of the boy's sad smile and tear-stained cheeks would disappear in a splash of radiant color the instant his own body did as well, but unfortunately for himself, the echo of loneliness that laid in his wake would not.

And each time…

It only made it all the more difficult for him to bear.

* * *

_On this side of town, _

_It touches everything._

_

* * *

_

This place… where was this place?

Opening his eyes, the dark-haired ghoulish figure sighed as he sat up and stared at the empty room.

How he got there, he didn't know.

But…

He wasn't frightened.

Fear was obsolete to him, for some reason.

_He was stranded in some strange place he didn't know, yet how was it that he wasn't the least bit perturbed by the fact?_

Slowly floating off the bed, the young man didn't even notice the lack of sensation from his limbs and body as he did so. The empty room seemed familiar, but not overly so. It itched at his sub-consciousness in a strange way; like a scab that you wanted to pick at, even when you knew it wasn't the best thing to do for you.

Yet…

Nothing seemed to alarm him or put him in a cautious state.

This was…

_He was straddling a line that he could not pinpoint, and that put him on edge even more than his lack of memory did. _

Normal.

Why was this _normal_?

* * *

_You made yourself a bed_

_At the bottom of the blackest hole-_

_

* * *

_

_There was something that itched at his ears; what it was, he didn't yet know._

The room was bland and white.

There was absolutely no furniture except for the bed behind him, and the lain only one door and window within the tiny room; both of which were wide open.

Gazing outside with listless eyes, the man held in a shutter as sunlight filtered in through the open pane and ran through his transparent figure.

_Something… beautiful and disturbing all at once. _

He had to…

_Something so familiar, he could almost taste it._

He had to…

_His hands, they were reaching forward-_

He had to…

_Yet they caught nothing within their grasp._

Find it.

* * *

_And convinced yourself that_

_It's not the reason you don't see the Sun anymore._

_

* * *

_

Figures he didn't know ran past his gaze, and yet he felt strangely content at the scene playing in front of him.

Staring ahead at the open door, a strange surge of fright overcame his deadened senses, freezing his feet right in place.

Tiny children scampered by in scuttles of excitement, and though it was a refreshing breath of fresh air from the brightening white of the room he was still enclosed in, there was something about this brood that set him off.

_He tried to keep the happiness within his grip, but soon, it became a melancholic desire for a nostalgia that he could not reach. _

Finally, after mere moments (_though it felt like a millennia to him_), his right foot lifted itself-

_But he couldn't keep himself in this room forever; there was something out there waiting for him to come forward. _

And float just an inch above the floor in front of him, not quite reaching the ground as he intended it to.

But…

That was to be expected.

Wasn't it?

_There were too many common things here that didn't make sense; why was his hand reflecting in such a manner anyway?_

It wasn't.

People didn't float.

Maybe he was special.

Or maybe…

"… _Excuse me?_" He whispered to the next person that passed him by, only to have them rush past him in an apathetic manner. Brushing off the rude gesture, he attempted to grab the next person who walked past him-

_His fingers, his clothes, his feet; it was all so dull and faded… why?_

Only to have his hand faze right through the young man's shoulder.

Why…

Why wasn't he _surprised _by that?

_Why…?_

Stoically turning and making his way down the hallway in front of him, he didn't notice as the door he had left open closed in a fitful snap…

* * *

_And when it rains…_

_

* * *

_

He was in a state of shock; yet not about the lack of feeling coursing through his body or the way he could see the outline of various objects through the random limbs connected to his torso…

Something was missing-

And the sound, it was growing louder.

Louder,

_And_

**Louder**.

Why wouldn't it-

_The bells, they chimed, and the children, they ran past him and through him and around him from all sides; where was the peace he seemed to achieve in the land of his dreams that he couldn't seem to remember no matter how hard he tried? _

Stop?

_What was this strange pit growing his chest called, and why couldn't he seem to conjure up any-_

"_Please… just…_"

Holding his hands to his ears, he groaned as something like pain thrashed within his head.

_Will to care?_

Not able to take the pound against his head, or the ringing bells or the screaming children any longer, he ran through the throngs of miniature-adults and made it to the edge of stairway. Reaching to grab the railing, he almost stumbled as it fazed right through once again.

Chocking down his gasp of astonishment, the dark-haired figment stared down at the foreboding stairs and, after being 'trampled' upon by fleeing children, finally took his first step down.

_All he wanted to do… was _go_._

_

* * *

_

_Will you always find an escape?_

_

* * *

_

_The world was bright, and he, as amazing as it was to believe, was washed out by the blinding light._

Dark eyes traced the environment surrounding him, the blurry greens and vivacious darkening blues screaming out against the monotony of the grey buildings just beyond their various horizons. Metal gates stood proudly at the end of the walkway he was standing on, the constant flurry of children finally trickling down into a bare minimum.

Bringing his hand up to his face once more, he stared at the translucent limb in utter disdain.

_The ache from before was now evolving into a resounding stab; the pain, nearly unbearable. _

He couldn't _feel _anything except for the burning sensation settled within his chest, and it _hurt. _

It _hurt_…

This pain, why was it so familiar…?

_His head was a flurry of questions without answers, yet the closer he became to the outside world just beyond those heavy gates, the closer he became to the responses he craved._

Not even pausing to push his way through, the youthful-looking specter sighed as he closed his eyes-

_This place, wherever this place was, was nothing to him anymore._

And fell forward.

* * *

_So you'll sleep till May_

_And say you don't want to see the Sun anymore._

_

* * *

_

This place… this new place… this wasn't home either.

Backing away from the assortment of trees and random foliage now encasing his path, he grabbed his head and nearly screamed as the pain-

_It didn't stop; it would _never _stop._

Became all too much to bear.

Dropping to the ground, he could barely keep in the groan of discomfort as bits and pieces of sky fell down upon him…

Still falling through him, as if he meant nothing.

_This pain, it wasn't natural, just like he wasn't natural or real or _alive_; it was all a reminder-_

Blacking out became the only option available as the cry within his throat became enclosed within the darkness encasing him within its cage.

_If only he could remember what it was he was supposed to not forget to begin with. _

_

* * *

_

_Just say it again_

_And mean it._

_

* * *

_

Time was no longer an obstacle to him, so what did it matter how long he had laid there in the cold he could not feel?

Opening his eyes with a groan (_so reminiscent to his first awakening…_), he gazed up at the stormy sky staring down at him, rain still falling through and around him in a messy display of nourishment.

He didn't even wonder where he was.

All he knew…

Was that the pain-

_The one constant that had lain with him throughout the day-_

Had stopped.

_Had finally been laid to rest. _

Stumbling forward clumsily, he had to keep himself from falling forward as he squinted his eyes and bit his lip in anxiousness.

There was someone…

_It was more of a silhouette, really, but to him, it may have well been the first sign of life he'd seen all day._

Someone there, waiting for something.

Or perhaps someone?

The lone body shimmering lightly under the dim scenery surrounding them laid relaxed on the grass, eyes trained ahead at the heavens above them.

"_Hello?_" He whispered, eyes dripping with an eclectic mixture of hope and despair.

The man smiled as he leaned forward on his arms and smiled, every part of him glowing with an angelic light that he could not describe.

"… _Hello L._"

Staring at the man with an imploring gaze, he pointed at himself as the unanswered question hung within the air.

"_Is that…?_"

"_Yes. That's… that's your name._" The beautiful man whispered, his body becoming more and more transparent as he spoke and L became all the more closer. "_Your name is… L_."

_His name… he hadn't even known he had had a name. _

Keeping to where he was, L (_he reveled in the name, knowing that that was something he could at least keep _for the moment) trembled from the overload of emotion threatening to eat him alive.

"_Do I know you?_"

Leaning forward, the beautiful man sighed.

"_Yes. But don't strain yourself to remember. Why don't you just come over and lay with me for awhile? My name is Light_."

'_Light… a beautiful name for a beautiful man._'

Staring in near awe, L felt his fingers twitch against his side as the man then stood up and faced the amnesiac head on and shock him with his next words.

"_I… I'm sorry._"

L blinked, not sure what to say.

"_Huh?_"

"_I said… I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this to you… or to myself._" Light whispered, milk-chocolate eyes now dripping with tears. "_Don't you understand? I can't take it anymore, L_."

Stepping forward, L began to panic as Light shook his head, wanting to _touch _him-

"… … _Did I-_"

"_No, you didn't do a thing._" Watching his fingertips disintegrate against the force of the wind's push, Light stood up so that he and L stood eye to eye. "_And that's the problem_. _You'll never be able to do a _thing_._"

_The pieces, they began to fall, and the truth was unfurling within his own mind. _

"_No…_"

"_L-_"

"_Light… Light. Light, come here. Take my hand. Touch my face. Punch me, hurt me-_"

Light's sad eyes magnified the lies he had been spinning around himself, the pain once again crawling over him like a crashing ocean tide.

"_Just get over here._"

* * *

_Just running away from all the ones you love;_

_From everything._

_

* * *

_

He then wished, without a single shred of doubt, that he could have just forgotten all over again.

"_I can't._" Light whispered, backing away from the man with heavy steps.

"_Stop it, don't say that-_"

"_But,_" Dropping onto the ground in a heap of translucent limbs, tears continued to pour down the boy's face in shining rivulets as he shook his head. "_It's true._"

Light then pointed at him, and smiled.

"_Look._"

L stared at his now solid hand as Light's figure became more and more transparent, the amount of control held over his limb amazing him more than he would have liked

"_No… no, no, no…_"

"_It's almost time for you to go._" Light finished lamely, eyes glistening vibrantly against the dull color of his face. "_You don't have to do this anymore._"

_It wasn't what he wanted, but what he needed; since when did Light ever care about what he needed anyway?_

The two men stared at each other, one a bit more solid than other, the other a wreck of involuntary emotion.

_Was this what denial felt like?_

"_I don't want to go._"

"_But you have to._" Light reminded him softly. "_I still have so much time left, but you barely have any at all. I can see it. _You're_ here _now_, but tomorrow, it'll just be the more of the same. And I can't take it anymore, L. I _can't."

L knew he was right.

But that didn't matter to him in the least.

"_Don't… Just tell me you'll be here tomorrow. I don't _care_ about anything else._"

Light closed his eyes and sighed, his image growing less and less visible.

_But he knew that that was an impossibility as soon as it had come out of his mouth. _

"_Will you… at least say…?_"

As the last dregs of the boy vanished, he mouthed something at the older man.

L closed his eyes and nodded.

'_Me too._'

* * *

_How could you do it?_

_I never saw it coming._

_

* * *

_

He wished he could forget.

L bit his lower lip as he stared up at the plain white ceiling, dark eyes rimmed red.

They were dry and itchy.

He could feel them…

And they were _dry _and _itchy._

Looking down at his hand, however, it was still as translucent as ever.

_It had been so long since he had been able to feel anything; this time, he _knew _it. _

Tonight…

He'd see him tonight.

He needed to see him _tonight_.

* * *

_I need the ending; _

_Why can't you stay long enough to explain?_

_

* * *

_

What he would discover, however, would ultimately break what little of him was left-

He strained his vision looking, yet still, no lithe figure covered in shining light appeared before his very eyes.

_Piece by piece. _

Without realizing it, his fingers began to twitch as they became a bit more tangible.

Was this…?

The whole night, he waited.

_He couldn't ever remember leaving in the morning, but…_

The whole night, silence was his only companion.

_The same room as before, much more familiar to him than the day before, greeted his eyes with the same vintage white coloring and singlet bed. _

Was this it?

* * *

_Take these chances to turn it around;_

_Just take these chances-_

_

* * *

_

Things didn't change.

Eyes opened.

The same white ceiling.

The same open window.

The same endless landscape.

_He didn't want to remember. _

He wanted…

He wanted…

_Things were better before, and he had never appreciated that fact. _

But he couldn't.

_Things didn't change. _

His fingers, they twitched.

His hand, it grew more solid.

His arms, more corporeal.

Those nights, they were still so lonely.

_He was losing more and more control…_

He still remembered his name.

And…

'_Me too. I do too._'

* * *

_We'll make it somehow._

_

* * *

_

This cycle, it was endless.

L knew he wasn't coming back.

_But he couldn't seem to break away._

Yet there was something within him that refused to give up.

_How long had Light sat here beside him, crying?_

Soon after, the nights became days…

And he stayed where he was.

And a new cycle began.

_He could see his face now, streaked with never-ending tears and that same sad smile._

Closing his eyes, he gripped the grass underneath him with trembling fingers.

'_I do too…_'

_Those words, they kept him grounded now that Light himself couldn't._

Perhaps he was different.

Or maybe Light was.

Opening his eyes, L wondered.

* * *

_You can take my time…_

_

* * *

_

When one loses everything, they have everything to gain…

L stared up at the cloud-filled sky, wondering.

_Don't they?_

Reaching a hand forward, he smiled.

_Of course._

_

* * *

_

_Take my time._

* * *


	3. Remnants of Me

Author's note: Ok, so I said a long time ago that I wanted to add a third part to this universe but I was never able to really connect with the characters after the second part. I think after my slew of issues it just seemed really strange to try to connect to the same level of melancholy I reached the first and second time around.

I can't say I'm really satisfied with this part and it doesn't really come up to the tidy conclusion I wished it would have (meaning there may still be a part four in the works, I have to see what I come up with) but I tried my best. :-(

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor do I own the song "Pressure" by Paramore, which I am obviously making no money off of. So there. :-p

* * *

Title: _**Lucent Remembrance**_

Chapter Three: _Remnants of Me_

* * *

_Tell me where our time went_

* * *

It seemed like it was just yesterday

(_a day so far away from _now_, but then, even he didn't know when _now _was_)

But… what was yesterday to some(_thing_)one who didn't even know what yesterday _was_?

Tiny speckles of light clung to fragmented lids, the cold detachment shining through dim eyes off set by the frail translucence of color barely adhering to the slim figure standing eerily by the doorway.

_Little by Little he was wasting away and everything was becoming _nothing.

Trailing shaking fingertips over smooth glass, he wondered what the texture actually felt like as long slender fingers disappeared before they could even make it towards the end of the window.

_The world was now only a variety of shades of gray and he was a not even on the spectrum of color. _

* * *

_And if it was time well spent_

* * *

Still, they could not see him.

_Days turn into nights and nights into days and still he cries inside over what can't be changed. _

He wondered at times if this were his own personal Hell; if this was the price he had to pay for having picked up that God forsaken (_God? The only Gods he knew of shouldn't have been called Gods at all…_) notebook and written down that first name.

_They walk past him and yet they will never see him; they cry and he has to see it all. _

A middle-aged woman with short gray hair stared down at the sink before her, empty of dishes. Her hands which were now old and shriveled lay on the edge of the counter, shaking. Her eyes were dry but very, very red.

_He can never hold her ever again, though he has tried so many times to grab onto her, even in the briefest of touches. _

_(Who is she and why does seeing her make him want to cry?)_

Walking past her, his translucent form wavers for a moment.

_Every day is another eternity for him. _

Making his way up the familiar stairs, his hair sways in an imaginary breeze he cannot even feel.

_Every day he waits for something he cannot explain. _

Not even pausing to grab the doorknob, he fazed through the door in front of him and entered the still very pink room, decorated to suit a girl half the young woman's age that was lying on the bed in the middle of the room.

_Every day he feels the pain of having to watch this erosion through these damning eyes; eyes that weren't quite _eyes_ anymore. _

Long dingy hair hangs off the bed as 35-year-old woman stares vacantly at the wall just behind his head, her clothes large and baggy on her thin frame.

_But he will stay here. _

Sitting down on the floor in front of the blank-faced woman, he simply stares.

_He will stay because it is where he has done the most wrong-_

_(What wrong? What did he _do _that was so _wrong_?)_

"Sayu…" He whispers, knowing that she cannot hear.

_And no matter what it is that calls for him to leave, he will not yield until the day both of these people are gone as well. _

Leaning forward he lets the strands of see-through hair fall over his eyes.

_It was, in essence, his last wish…_

_(All he remembers are words and names and pain; all he can see is that horrible, horrible notebook stained in invisible blood…)_

"Light…"

_And even if they could never admit it, it was their last wish as well._

* * *

_Just don't let me fall asleep_

_Feeling alone again_

* * *

Sayu's dark brown eyes wavered as they strayed from their normal spot, breathing retched and sporadic.

Dim hazel eyes don't even flinch, the light brown simmering into a dull gray that permeates nothing but apathy.

The lingering aftertaste of regret washed away until the shell remained; the shadow not even a mimicry of what it used to be.

_He wasn't worth much anymore, just another fly on the wall. _

Finally Sayu's red rimmed eyes fluttered shut and the lights glimmering by her bed shuttered quietly until they were nothing but memories laid to rest.

_Time wouldn't stop. _

The cycle would begin anew tomorrow.

_Even he had an expiration date. _

He only hoped that the memories would still be there with him.

_And soon, he would fade just as quietly as his companion had. _

_(These lights were flashing so quickly in front of his eyes… what were they and why did they taunt him?)_

_Soon he would only be a memory. _

* * *

_I can feel the pressure_

* * *

_Would today be the day?_

Fingers twisted against each other as the apparition against the wall shook quietly within his corner, the room as unfamiliar as the reflection caught in the mirror out of the corner of his eye.

A strange burn rose from the center of his chest, staying right at his throat.

The scream would not leave him.

_Would today be his… last day?_

(_Why am I here? Who am I? I want to go home? Where is home? Whereishome? Whereishome?_)

The door next to him quietly swung open.

The words stopped spinning.

His world halted-

(_I want to go where nowhere is everywhere and all I can see is home…_)

Aged veiny hands stroked the bed in front of them as if it were the grand center piece of the room, the other hand clutching onto a paper now spotted with drops of water.

_Light knew that face… _

_Light. _

The timid sob echoed within the quiet room until a cacophony of screams triumphed and silence was no longer welcome. The tiny woman crawled on the bed, grieving for-

_(Grieving for what?)_

_His name was Light. _

_And he was Destruction magnified. _

The hunched over specter transformed in mere moments, standing uselessly by the bed with arms stretched out and soul torn in half. The colors trickled onto the floor in a heap of tragedy, pouring away from the picture of manhood and leaving only the caricature that remained.

_What was there left to do?_

His mother's screams slowly filtered away until the quiet was the only thing left within the room.

As Sachiko lied brokenly on the bed Light knew.

_When you're reason is gone…_

Her Time was coming just as swiftly as his own had and soon she would be nothing more than a shadow as well.

_Who will you be then?_

* * *

_Cause I fear I might break_

_And I fear I can't take it_

* * *

The table was set for four.

Sayu stared at her mother from her perch, the looming shadow behind her unknowingly mimicking her own actions.

But there was only enough food for one.

_She knows…_

Sachiko's tremulously smile nearly undid both her children.

"No…" Sayu finally broke, hair slashing through the air like a katana in mid-strike. "No, no, no…"

"Sayu…"

"NO!"

"I can't… help it…"

"You aren't supposed to leave me too!"

The plate flew through the air, hitting the wall with a delicious slam.

Sachiko watched as her daughter ran once more, the gaping wounds within her mind bleeding heavily against the dining room floor.

_What's one more broken person on the floor?_

_(Tiny whispers, they were crawling all around him, finally giving sighs of relief)_

He knew he was doomed when his hand wavered in front of his face-

_Soon you won't even remember what pain is anyway. _

_(Fleeting, fleeting, all feeling is fleeting)_

And he didn't even feel a thing.

* * *

_Tonight I'll lie awake _

_Feeling empty_

* * *

_He was so tired…_

If he stayed awake, it couldn't take him. The thought itself was illogical and years ago he had debunked that theory by trying but in this moment logic was null and void and all he wanted was to devolve to a time where the worst things he could think of were the monsters under his bed and whether or not they would try to take him tonight when he was sleeping.

_He just wanted to close his eyes…_

The irony being that now Light knew the moment he closed his eyes they would take him and _kill him _all over again.

_And slumber. _

The memories would slip away and he would forget.

Forget his mother, his father, his sister, his legacy, his rivals, his mistakes, his triumphs.

He couldn't be just another memory. Not when he had worked so hard to be remembered.

He couldn't let go of life so easily.

_Even though life had stopped wanting him years ago._

Each barely healed-over scar was ripped open in only a few moments, his mother's words and lifeless stares enough to pump the life(_death_) back into him.

Piece by piece, Light began to disintegrate, his eyes still wide open with fear.

_The abyss had him. _

He would not forget.

_(Let him become a memory)_

_There was no escaping this Hell_.

He _could not _forget.

_(If it would save those he had destroyed so ruthlessly)_

His eyes flashed golden on last moment until they too became a murky gray and evaporated from proverbial sight.

Sayu lay still within the bed, not moving once.

Chestnut brown eyes did not blink.

Everything was at a standstill once again.

* * *

_Now that I'm losing hope_

* * *

Back to back they lay.

_Her weakness has become her strength and soon she would realize it. _

Light dared not breathe even though he didn't need to. His body lay above the sheets, his back not truly touching hers. Silent cries racked her body until they became wrenching gags.

_Her power lays not in her helplessness but in her trauma._

He stiffened as the paper within the girl's hands crinkled uncomfortably.

_She had already lost so much; lost in a way he could never understand._

_(How long has it been since…?) _

His mother's form no longer lingered the hallways.

_How many days has it been?_

(_Days? What are days?_)

Already he could feel himself fading into nothing.

_There wasn't much time left… was there?_

Another croaking cry broke the stillness of the room.

He closed his eyes, for the first time in a long time _needing _to forget.

* * *

_And there's nothing to show _

_For all the days we spent carried away from home_

* * *

When he woke up the next morning he remembered everything.

_No…_

And he knew that his little sister's Time was coming too.

_All he could think was '_No'_ when all Sayu could think was '_Finally'_._

* * *

_It's getting closer now..._

* * *

For Sayu, the windows became more commonplace take stare through instead of just _at_.

The world seemed to transform in the span of a night, the lone presence of the house noticing the tiny nuances the outside world seemed to offer after years of voluntary seclusion. Each green life was _vibrant_ and every ray of sunshine shined _brighter_.

One day, the window was actually opened.

And the sounds, they were _everywhere_.

He knew what she wanted.

He wished for the same after all…

His translucent hand, gray and lifeless, stretched out towards the daylight that Sayu was still so very scared to reach for.

His skin burned pink.

_Burned_.

_Pink._

Turning his head, charcoal gray eyes shimmered with newfound hope.

_If there was ever one thing I could do for you_

Sayu stretched her fingers out seconds later.

_I would give you the chance to live again._

Pale skin stretched tautly under the strong light.

_I'll give you more time._

The smile that grew over her lips was weak but there, waiting to blossom into a grin full of _life._

* * *

_We're better off without you_

* * *

Light grinned as the young girl checked through her bag for the hundredth time.

The paper, however, stayed clutched in one hand, even as she made sure everything was in place.

_He couldn't do much._

Sayu sighed.

_He couldn't touch her. _

"I have to go." She whispered hoarsely. "She needs me now."

_He couldn't speak to her. _

"I won't let her leave without a goodbye."

_He couldn't interact with her at all._

"Not again."

_But fate always did smile on those who pulled themselves back up from nowhere. _

Light watched her leave and knew.

He would never see her again.

* * *

_Something's I'll never know _

* * *

_Tomorrow will come_

There was only one thing left to do.

_And I will fade into the obscurity I've always feared._

The colors he had wished for drained completely from his pallet of skin, leaving nothing but a pale facsimile of who he used to be.

_Tomorrow will come_

But he wasn't bitter.

_And I will swallow my pride and become the nothingness I have been caged within._

Only grateful for the time granted to him in exchange for watching his family finally move on with their lives.

_Tomorrow will come_

If nothing else, they would be happy.

_And I will become nothing more than a mere memory._

Pulling at the doorknob, he let the white-wash of light carry him back to his special place.

There was only one place he could stand to be and this house would never be more than a prison without bars to him.

* * *

_And I had to let them go_

* * *

Not much had changed since his last visit.

The grass was still just as green and the sky just as vast. The breeze did not hit him as the trees mocked him with their sturdy branches and swaying leaves, feeling _more _than he ever would ever again.

Looming over the ground in a haze of disquiet, Light did not wish to sit in fear of disturbing the scenery but could not hold back the urge. Settled on his old spot he refused to look over at his right where his former companion had constantly kept him company.

He only waited for the inevitable, knowing without knowing that here in this spot of secrecy he would meet his end as swiftly as L did before him.

* * *

_I can feel the pressure_

* * *

Before he knew it, the sky's color changed.

Dark blue became a haze of red.

Closing his eyes, he wished for nothing but the numbness that came with tranquility.

_In the distance he could hear a voice, but why was it so far away?_

He could never repent for the things that he had done and it was foolish to even try.

_One strobe of light… _

All he needed was deliverance.

_And he knew they would all be free._

Deliverance from this lie.

* * *

_You're better off without me. _


End file.
